


No Light

by Lady Lecter (RoNask)



Category: Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 16:32:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12112737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoNask/pseuds/Lady%20Lecter
Summary: Clarice breaks and the Doctor comes to her aid before it is too late.





	No Light

“Can you tell me why you’re here?”

“You know why I am here, Doctor”

Her eyes were focused on the road as she drove silently, she was not behind her eyes, she was driving out of habit.

She should have decided to go for her a run, it would be easier to think if she went for a good jog.

“I do, but I have to ask you, for professional purposes… What brought you here today, Agent Starling?”

“An order”

“You would not have come in your own”

Clarice moved on her seat. “Let’s just say I’ve had my fare of psychiatric experiences, doctor”

 

 

She didn’t know where to go, but she went anyway, somewhere she didn’t quite know where.

She had been driving for days.

Starling used the mirror to study her baggage on the backseat.

 

 

“I don’t want to be here”

“Why not?”

“I don’t feel okay… And I don’t feel like I should be talking to you”

“Why?”

“It is useless. I’m sorry, doctor, but I don’t think you can help me”

The psychiatrist took a moment and a note before asking the next question. “And who do you think can help you?”

Starling didn’t answer right away, but a displeased smile appeared on her lips. The doctor saw grief on her face. “I don’t think anyone can”

 

 

“I’m alone” she whispered, echoing the words from her memory.

The sound of cars honking behind her made her realize the traffic light had changed, she had to move.

She had to move.

Life never stopped for anyone, it didn’t matter what had happened.

When her hand got back to the steering she saw she had been biting her middle finger and the feeling on her face told her she had been crying.

Change hurts.

 

 

“Can I go now?” she questioned studying the material of the armchair.

“We still have a lot of time”

“This is not going anywhere” she faced the man, he saw coldness on her eyes and felt upset with himself, he was very aware of the fact that she would not open up to him. In any other day, any other time, she might have, not now, not anymore.

Dr. Bloom looked down to his notes not wanting to meet her eyes as he wondered how this conversation would have happened if it were Lecter she was talking to.

The thought had crossed Clarice’s mind too.

 

 

She closed the door behind her and studied the place.

The cabin was in the middle of nowhere, so to speak, she would have to drive for a while if she needed to buy anything. It was a good thing she decided to buy stuff beforehand.

She didn’t know how long she was planning to stay.

 

 

“What happened?”

“You read the report”

“I would like to hear your version”

She didn’t look at him. “An agent was killed in the field. Friendly fire.”

“What happened after?”

“I testify against the killer”

“And?”

“They said they didn’t have enough evidence”

 

 

She was sitting on the kitchen floor with the bottle of whiskey in one hand and a cup on the other.

That was how he found her.

She didn’t move when she heard him enter, nor did she turn to look into his direction.

He stood a few steps away from her, observing.

“Don’t” she muttered.

“I wasn’t going to--”

“You were”

A long moment of silence, he sat next to her.

“Why don’t you leave?” she asked, it wasn’t a request, it was an honest doubt. “You never do, you are always around. I knew you’d come back, I just never knew when.” a moment. “You should not be here and yet you don’t give a shit… Why?... Of all people, you are the one to care. Why, doctor?”

“Can you take the answer?” he questioned calmly, it was a question that did not expect an answer, only reflection.

“No” she replied and looked forward. “Not now” she took a sip of her drink, emptying the cup. She raised the hand with the bottle, a silent offer which he declined with a small gesture of his head.

“You should go to sleep.”

“I don’t want to. You should leave.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t care, I don’t want to think about it, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You’ll have to.”

“Later, not now.”

He observed her for a moment. “You assume I will stay around.”

“I know you will. You never leave. Even if just in my head, you stay.”

“Do you believe this to be an illusion.”

“No. No, definitely now. I don’t know this perfume you’re wearing, I couldn’t have made that up… And there is something else.”

“What is it?”

She smiled a bit bitterly and turned as if she meant to whisper in his ear. “We’re not having sex.” a moment to let the admission sink. “If this was all in my head, I’d be in your lap by now.” another moment. “I’m sorry” she whispered. “I wish I had a cigarette.”

“No, you don’t”

“I do, you don’t”

“It is a poor habit”

“Yeah, I’m given to bad habits. Drinking, putting my faith in people… I’m tired, Doctor.”

Her head laid on his shoulder. As drunk as she was, she couldn’t care less. “I didn’t like him, at all… Chilton. The things he did to you… It felt so wrong, so unfair… I hate you sometimes.” a pause and she turned to face him. “How would you kill me, Doctor?”

He watched her face for a long moment before answering. His hand moved to her neck, his fingers touched the pale skin of her exposed neck. “Strangulation”. The word felt ugly and unkind coming from his lips, she would have winced if things weren’t bad enough for her to be kind of numb about everything. Instead, she decided she didn’t have a problem with him touching her.

The thought of what happened in her illusions and dreams came back to her. For a moment she wished she could just straddle him and make out with him until all they could think about was fucking each other to exhaustion.

He saw the change in her eyes but didn’t mention it.

“Would you eat me?”

“Yes”

“Which part?”

“Your heart”

“People will say we’re in love, Doctor”

He smiled softly.

“Would you do it? If I asked you to?”

She saw the change in his eyes, his expression going somber. His fingers caressed the back of her neck.

“Even if I said ‘please’?” she tried once more.

His jaw was tense. “I don’t want to.”

“It is not what I asked”

She saw a hint of anger in his eyes. “Clarice…”

“Don’t be selfish”

“How long have you been having these thoughts?”

“It doesn’t matter”

“It does”

“It is my life”

That made him angry and frustrated and she saw the struggle in his eyes. He didn’t care about hiding it from her anymore.

“I won’t let you”

“You can’t stop me”

“I can and I will”

“I kill you, then I kill myself”

“You will have to fight me”

She smiled and suddenly her eyes were full of unshed tears. She looked to the ground, her hand found his arm and her nails dig into his skin, her hands were shaking as she sobbed quietly. “What have I made of myself, Hannibal?”

He swallowed and pulled her close, allowing her to bury her face in his chest, to sob against him. His fingers caressed her lightly, comforting.

“When did we become a tragedy?” she asked to no one particularly, she didn’t want an answer. He kissed the top of her head and she chuckled. “God, I hate you so much”

They fell into silence for a long moment, long enough for him to consider the possibility of her having fallen asleep against his chest.

“Doctor”

“Yes, Clarice”

It took her moment. “Will you stay the night?... Please. I don’t trust myself right now.”

“Of course, my dear.”

She smiled softly.

Clarice fell asleep on his arms and when she did he carried her gently to bed.


End file.
